ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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