I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
tell me about the eggs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
