im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
