Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
