she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
