Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
