What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
