He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
