We're like a lot better than the average bears
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
