every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I need moral support for this bender
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
