I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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