I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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