Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
