And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
