I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Your dad touched me again.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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