____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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