so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
