Michael Bay diarrhea
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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