i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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