i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
