I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
