Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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