i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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