if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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