Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Barsexuality is the new black.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
