Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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