I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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