so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
