you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Vodka?
Forever.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
