There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
