do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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