Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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