apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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