So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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