dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
