I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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