Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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