i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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