Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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