is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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