What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
