Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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