she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
birth control should be required to get into college
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
