Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My life is pants optional.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
