He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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