Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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