when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
