My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
