Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
