I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
