giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
